Fall seems like the time to get engaged. In fact, in the past week, I have had four friends (i.e. Acquaintances) announce their engagements on Facebook. That's excessive but comes with the territory when you're in your mid-twenties. Many newly engaged couples, like us, opt to have an engagement party, which brings about a slew of etiquette rules that aren't covered in your average wedding guide.
So, for all my current and future brides out there, let's break down the etiquette of engagement parties.
I would relive our engagement party every day if I could! The setting and decor was perfect, but this balloon ceiling arrangement was probably my favorite part.
Do I have to have an engagement party?
Quick answer: Of course not! If you don't want to have an engagement party, then there is no pressure to have one. In fact, if your engagement is especially short, it may be completely unnecessary. We decided to have an engagement party because 1. We had a 20-month engagement and didn't want people to forget about us, and 2. Our wedding is out of town so many family members may not not be able to make the wedding, which made an engagement party the perfect way for us to all celebrate together. Like everything else in the tulle-stuffed world of weddings, engagement parties are 100% optional.
When should I have the party?
Normally, people have their engagement party a few months after they become engaged. Our party was 8 months after our engagement, but again, we have a 20-month engagement so that wasn't even the halfway mark. For a typical 12-month engagement, I recommend an engagement party within the first six months. The second half should be reserved for bridal showers, couples' showers and bridesmaids' luncheons.
Who throws the party?
Normally, the bride or groom's parents would throw the engagement party. This isn't a hard and fast rule, just more of a tradition. Our party was thrown by my aunt, since she is one of the family members who won't be able to make the actual wedding. Pretty much anyone interested in throwing an engagement party can throw you one, but keep in mind, this is the last wedding event (minus the actual wedding) that your parents should host.
Can I have more than one engagement party?
Um, yes. But, I don't recommend it. Having more than one engagement party can seem a little greedy and excessive. If you have multiple people asking to throw you an engagement party, have them join forces for one all-inclusive party. Or, ask one of the prospective hosts to throw you a shower instead. Your guests are already going to be invited to a wedding and shower, so don't overdo it on the engagement celebrations.
Who do I invite?
Anyone that you want! But really, depending on your host's budget, you can invite anyone and everyone. However, keep in mind, everyone that you invite to your engagement party MUST be invited to your wedding. No exceptions. An engagement party invitation is pretty much a pre-wedding invitation. So, if someone is on the chopping block for the big day, leave them off for the engagement party. If you're going to keep it a small affair, make sure to include these VIPs: Both sets of parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles and the wedding party (if you've chosen them).
Once you are ready to send out invites, please make sure they aren't e-vites. E-vites are so tacky.
How many gifts should I expect?
NONE! There is no requirement or expectation to bring a gift to an engagement party. Your guests will be bringing you plenty of gifts throughout the next few months, so don't put any additional burden on them. You should definitely not put your registry information on your invitation. That tells guests you expect gifts, which may leave a bad taste in their mouth. However, I do recommend at least starting a registry before your engagement party. A few people will bring gifts and may ask the host where you're registered. And, as always, if you have someone bring a gift to your engagement party, you need to write a timely and thought-out thank-you note.
Our gift table wasn't stacked high with gifts, but it sure was beautiful!
Should my best friend prepare a toast?
They can, but it's better that they wait. Engagement parties are meant to be a little bit more casual in nature, i.e., no extravagant toasts or pageantry. The host or bride's father should make a short welcome and toast before the meal is served, but I would leave it at that. Your friend will have plenty of time at the wedding to tear up and talk for 5 minutes about your beautiful friendship.
How do I involve my fiancé?
If he's anything like Aus, he probably won't want to be involved (and may not even want to show up). However, if he does want to be involved in any part of the process, bring him in. It will be a good test for how wedding planning will go. Also, regardless of his involvement level, it's always nice to bring him a little gift. My mom brought Aus a Yeti cooler stuffed with goodies, which was a nice surprise for him and also made him feel like he was a valued part of the party.
Every man (and woman) wants a Yeti, so it's the perfect gift for your future groom.
Aus was a little nervous for his first wedding event, so we took a private walk before the party started to calm his nerves.
What is the most important rule?
Talk to everyone who attends. Yes, even if you don't know them. If they took the time to come to your engagement party, then you can take the time to welcome and thank them. There's no need to linger over long conversations, and by all means, use your responsibility as the guest of honor to frolick from guest to guest and cut conversations short.
Pro tip: It may be easier to split up from your fiancé (ugh that word) in order to make sure that everyone gets some alone time with each of you. I didn't see Aus the entire night, but I know our guests appreciated seeing each of us. Also, we were able to cover more ground separately, which is always a positive.
What about decor, outfits, etc.?
Rather than tell you, I'll show you what I did. Scroll down to see pictures from our May engagement party. However, make the day exactly how you and your fiancé want it. Nothing on this blog, or the Internet in general, can top your dream engagement party.
These table arrangements were to die for! Beautiful flowers, antique glasses and a different picture frame on each table.
Our dessert table was accented with fair lights, books and antique candles. Such a nice blend!
Photos make great, cheap decor, and are also things you can use to decorate your future home.
You may want to wear white to your engagement party, but I'm more of a blush girl. And, it never hurts for the whole fam to coordinate with the decor.
Please excuse the mounted deer. The party was held in my family's farm which brought in a rustic vibe. However, I will say, having the party at such a meaningful location made all the different.
Manners Moral: Engagement parties may sound like just another wedding celebration, but they have their own rules of etiquette. Follow them and you'll get a huge boost to your bridal reputation.