"For a gracious toast: Make use of eloquence, wit, and whimsy. Brevity is best- be brief, stay simple. Be yourself. Stand when making a toast. Be prepared- a toast is a miniature speech. Know your lines, craft your salutation. Exit- it's always good to know when to stop... and take your seat!" - Kate Spade, Occasions
Three can be better than one when it comes to wedding toasts. At the last toast I gave, I paired up with two of my other friends, which showed everyone just how close our group is.
Kate Spade always knows what to say, and her advice on giving a toast is straightforward and easy to implement. But, if you're are a little shy or need some more help on how to craft the perfect toast, you've come to the right place.
I love wedding toasts. You can chalk it up to the fact that I'm a sucker for the spotlight, or that I love being philosophical about my longtime friendships, but either way, I would never turn down the opportunity to clink my glass. I've only given two rehearsal dinner toasts, so I'm not exactly a storied expert (I bawled my eyes out at the first, and stood up with two other friends at the second for a sort of joint toast.) However, I have to pat myself on the back and say that I did a pretty good job both times (mainly based on crowd feedback). Here's my tips for giving a toast with confidence and poise.
Plan Ahead
You never know when the moment will arise when you'll need to make a toast. For my first wedding, I knew I would probably be called upon to give a toast, but for the second, I was under the impression (until we arrived at the rehearsal dinner) that only family members would be speaking. Regardless, a few weeks before a rehearsal dinner, I start to outline what I would say if I felt called to stand up in front of the crowd. I practice a little speech in my head, so that when the time comes, everything is tied together nicely. Also, it helps me look both spontaneous and put together.
Focus on Both Members of the Couple
Chances are you're closer with either the bride or the groom. However, if you only talk about one person, you'll lose half the crowd, and no one wants that. Figure out a way to tie in both honorees, either by talking about their love, or a shared experience. It makes all the difference if you're trying to give a speech that everyone raves about for days to come. Always open a speech with how you know the bride or groom so that everyone listening has a little bit of context. It's also okay to dwell on the one you are closer with and share some special memories. Just don't spend 20 minutes talking about how the two of you used to play with American Girl dolls and forget that your friend is getting married, not starting a doll company.
Humor is Acceptable and Appreciated
Yes, weddings are serious events. People are dedicating themselves to a lifelong relationship and vowing all sorts of heavy things. However, it's also a celebration, which means you're able to laugh and enjoy yourself. I always open with a joke, and it's usually sarcastic. I do this because it's my comfort zone, and it also shows the crowd that this isn't going to be a emotional train wreck of memories, tears and advice (even though it usually ends up somewhere on that spectrum). People like to laugh and enjoy themselves, so let them.
Don't Tell Anything Embarrassing
I shouldn't even have to touch on this, but exes, drunken nights out and any truly questionable decisions need to stay out of your wedding toast. Like I said before, humor is a great addition to any toast, but not at the expense of the honorees. This is a toast, not a roast. Your friend may be fine with it, but grandma will definitely do a double take. Telling an embarrassing story doesn't validate your friendship and show everyone how close you are. It just shows that you can't handle yourself well in public and need to fix your mind-to-mouth filter.
Don't Focus on Yourself Too Much
If you talk about yourself too much during a toast, you're probably doing it wrong. Remember, most of the people at a rehearsal dinner are not there to see you and don't even really know you. They want to hear about the couple or honorees. An easy way to avoid this is to focus more on the qualities of your friend and their involvement in your life, rather than a minute by minute update of different stories that happened in the past. Also, try to avoid taking credit for the happy couple getting together. That is the ultimate way to insert yourself as the center of attention, which is the last place you should be at someone else's wedding. One last word of warning: Talking about yourself too much makes you seem selfish and gives the appearance that your speech is dragging on forever. Trust me, I've seen it done several times, and it always makes me cringe.
If You Cry, Own It
If someone that you truly love is getting married, there's a good chance that some tears start to fall as you reflect back on all your good times and offer well wishes for a bright future. People expect this and are very understanding as long as you still sound coherent. If your tears are causing you to ramble or if it's impossible to understand a word you're saying, either take a quick breath or cut the speech short. Make a joke about how you can't get it together and lighten the mood. Also, if you do end up crying, be prepared to never live it down. I'm still getting heat from bawling at a wedding three years ago.
Know When to Stop
If at any point during your toast you think to yourself, 'I've been up here a while, maybe I should wrap it up,' then you've already gone on far too long. A good toast should last around three minutes, with five being the absolute tops. Try reading something out loud for five minutes, and you'll realize how long that actually is. If you start repeating yourself, getting too emotional or going off topic, it's time to end the show. People prefer a short speech that leaves them wanting more. Planning out your toast beforehand will help you keep it short, too the point and perfectly touching.
Manners Moral: Giving the perfect toast is a lot more than standing up in front of a crowd and saying the first words that pop into your head. It should be well planned, come from the heart and capture the essence of your relationship with the couple.